If you are engaged, you may find that you need a prenuptial agreement. This is a document that sets out how assets such as money, property or possessions would be divided between you if the marriage ultimately ended in divorce.
Remember that prenups are not legally binding in England, Wales or Northern Ireland, but a court will usually take them into account as long as they meet certain conditions. They are legally binding in Scotland.
Suggesting a prenup can seem daunting, as there is often an assumption that if you believe divorce is possible, you do not have faith in the relationship. If you feel that you need a prenup, it helps to know how to approach the conversation without causing unnecessary worry.
Time
Timing is important when it comes to premarital discussions like this. It is likely to be an emotional conversation, so waiting until a month or two before the wedding is not a good idea. It is usually better to have the conversation as early as possible after your engagement.
When you get engaged, you will already need to discuss how you plan to handle your finances as a married couple. As a prenup is primarily a financial document, this can be a sensible time to raise it. The benefit is that you will already be thinking about money and the future in a practical way, which may take some of the emotional weight out of the discussion.
Honesty
As with most relationship matters, honesty is the best policy. Accept that it may be a difficult conversation so that you can work through it together.
During the discussion, be open with your partner about why you want a prenup and what you would like it to include. At the same time, allow them to be honest about what they would want included too. It is always better to have everything out in the open than to surprise them later with terms they did not expect.
Listen
A big part of making any decision as a couple is listening. Even if you are the one starting the conversation, it should not be all about you. Take the time to listen to what your partner would want from a potential prenup and stay open to their ideas and suggestions.
It is also possible that your partner may not want a prenup at all or may feel that you do not need one. Do not dismiss their feelings or argue straight away. Listen carefully to their concerns and take them seriously. If you want to reassure them or respond to their worries, give yourself time to think before returning to the conversation.
Emphasize fairness
Although it can be easy to see a prenup as a way to protect the assets you want to keep, it is really about agreeing together on a fair way to divide assets if the marriage ends. When you raise the subject with your partner, make it clear that a prenup can benefit both of you.
Try not to let either of you focus on who would get the most. The goal is to agree on what feels fair and reasonable for both sides. That is why it can be better to make these decisions before any problems arise, while your choices are still being made from a place of care, respect and understanding.
Do not force it
If, after discussing it, your partner still insists that they do not want or need a prenup, then in practical terms you may not be able to have one. In most parts of the UK, prenups are not automatically legally binding, and if a court believes one party was pressured into signing, it may decide to ignore the agreement.
For that reason, it is important to go into the conversation without fixed expectations. There is a chance that you may not get the prenup you would like, so try to be prepared for that outcome. Pressuring your partner to sign could harm your relationship, so it is usually better to respond with patience, understanding and acceptance.
